Love takes work. Marriage tosses two different personalities into a relationship that’s supposed to last a lifetime. There’s bound to be a few bumps along the way. Part of having a successful marriage is understanding each other, and that is where the 5 love languages list can help. Here’s a bit of wisdom from the book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts to help along the way.

TL;DR ~ Communication is key for a wonderful marriage. Knowing the 5 love languages, such as quality time and acts of service, can set you up for success.

What are the 5 love languages?

You’re probably wondering, “What are the 5 love languages?” Although you should consider reading the book, here’s a short five love languages summary to help you decipher.

Essentially, every person has a main love language and then the other four follow at various levels. Knowing the primary love languages of both you and your future spouse can be highly beneficial in starting to understand each other.

1. Gifts

If your loved one’s eyes light up when you hand them a physical present, then gifts probably make them feel cared for. They may even rave about it for days!

Don’t think of this as a selfish love language at all. It’s about the fact that someone thought about you enough to give you something, rather than the gift itself.

If you or your spouse enjoy sweet kisses or holding hands, your love language may be Physical Touch.

2. Physical Touch

While most people enjoy physical touch, the real question is whether or not it makes them feel loved. Plus, it’s more about what happens outside of the bedroom rather than what happens within.

If little touches, random hugs, and holding hands while walking or driving are meaningful, then that’s a good indication that this may be a primary language.

3. Words of Affirmation

Everyone likes to feel appreciated, and sometimes it’s nice to hear that you are loved, appreciated, and thought about. If your partner’s mood lifts easily when you genuinely compliment them on their looks, vocation, or accomplishments, this may be their language.

Also, these are genuine, truthful words with meaning. It isn’t always about the big things. Just letting him or her know that they make you feel secure or telling them something small can have an equal impact.

Take time to listen and understand your future spouse’s love language.

4. Acts of Service

Some people feel loved when you do things for them. You will learn to appreciate this one more once you are married. Things like vacuuming, remembering to pick up the dry cleaning, or cooking a surprise meal speaks volumes to someone who has this language.

5. Quality Time

Sometimes it doesn’t matter what you are doing as long as you are together. Long walks, doing a hobby together, or even working side by side at home is important. Knowing that you are there for them and vice versa is essential for those who have this love language.

The Five Love Languages Quiz

So, where do you take it from here? Well, you and your partner can easily test yourself online with the 5 love languages quiz (free!). It’s fun and quick, and you get your results right away. Taking the 5 languages of love quiz can help you find out both of your primary love languages. It can also tell you which are your second and third.

Taking the love language test for couples (there are ones for singles, teens, and kids, too) can help you “talk” to each other in a different way. After you take the five love languages quiz, you can also check out the book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. I’d highly recommend it!

The 5 love languages quiz (free!) can be taken on your phone. 

Deciphering The 5 Love Languages List

Ok, so what does this all mean, and how does it help? Well, if you only spoke Spanish and your spouse only spoke Chinese, there would be a disconnect. No matter how slow or loud you talked or how much you waved your hands, there wouldn’t be comprehension.

The same is true with the love language test for couples. After you analyze your results, think about it a bit. Note that your love language is both how you GIVE and RECEIVE love.

Here’s an example.

Say after taking the 5 languages of love quiz, you determine that yours is Acts of Service. You offer to run errands for your spouse when you know that they are too busy. Cooking dinner and keeping the house spotless for them is a priority for you.

However, your partner never wants to help you out with any projects. And—get this—they get upset at you when you’re fixing something for them on a Saturday. All they want you to do is go out and explore the new exhibit that just opened up in town. It doesn’t make sense!

But, if you consider that your spouse’s love language is Quality Time, it all comes together. They want to spend time with you. Forget the home-cooked meal and the immaculate home. They want to be with you!

If you understand that you potentially have different love languages, it can do a world of good. You’ll begin to understand the “why” behind what you and your spouse do. It’s an insight into what makes them tick and can be so helpful in alleviating frustration.

Take the five love languages quiz to see if you or your spouse’s language is Acts of Service.

So, what’s your language?

Again, I’d recommend either reading The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts or taking the five love languages quiz online. In fact, take the 5 languages of love quiz and then read the book to delve in deeper.

Communication is key in any relationship, and anything you can do to help that process with go a long way. If you need advice on fighting fair with your significant other we have lots of other tips!

Photos: Innoh Maganda, Ann Tarazevich, Cleyder Duque, Anastasia Shuraeva, & Anastasia Shuraeva