Ever wonder what a guy is thinking about on his wedding day? Or in the months leading up to it? I surveyed six different men and asked what was important on their big day, what they might have changed, and what they remember most. Take a look at the inside scoop of what your groom is thinking on your wedding day.
What is the groom really thinking?
The question was simple. What were you thinking on your wedding day? The answers I received were thoughtful, reflective, and paint an image of a supportive experience where both husband and wife share in the fun (and challenges) of their big day. And while both partners likely share these answers, here’s a look at the wedding from “our” perspective.
Your groom is happy to be involved in the planning.
No big surprise here, couples today enjoy a very egalitarian world-view. Men are very involved in their wedding planning and arrangements. Some couples divided up the tasks, while others collaborate on almost every detail, wanting it to fit each of their ideas of the perfect day.
“He’s eager to roll-up his sleeves and help make your big day unforgettable for everyone.”
From the guest list to the music, to the venue, men reflected on their role in each decision. There was a genuine desire to help create the setting for one of the most important days of their life. The take away for couples? Take time to discuss your vision with each other. Be open to different ideas. It is a shared day after all, and your combined energy will make for a fantastic experience.
He wants to reduce your stress.
Let’s face it; weddings bring a lot of positive and negative stresses. One of the most common responses was his desire to reduce his partner’s anxiety. How? By staying involved in the planning and taking on tasks that reduced the workload. There are countless decisions to be made for your wedding, and your partner wants to support you.
Grooms are really supportive and want to help reduce your stress.
While most couples share the work and fun and the choices, there was still a sense that he wants you to have the day you dreamed of, an experience you will look back on fondly. So, when the planning hits a snag or seems impossible, remember: he’s your partner now and eagerly wants to support you on this journey.
Grooms want you to be happy.
More than simply reducing your stress, ensuring you “survive” the planning process, your groom wants you to be thrilled. He wants you to be delighted with the details, the selections, the day, and the honeymoon. All of it. And it weighs heavily on his mind.
This is a big day, a defining moment in your relationship. That brings a lot of self-induced pressure. Your new life partner wants you to feel that this is the kind of experience that you had hoped for all these years. So, just know this is on his mind. Whether he says it directly or not, your groom has high hopes for you personally.
Your groom cares about the overall experience for you as a couple and also your guests.
He is focused more on fun for family and friends.
There are many decisions to make and details to address right up to – and during – the wedding day. Many former grooms shared that they and their partner had an overwhelming desire for the day to be fun. Fun for you as a couple, fun for the family, and fun for friends. This is a common theme among couples at their wedding.
It’s so easy to get bogged down at the moment. Are the groomsmen all lined-up? Is the caterer late? Did they heat the appetizers yet? Is that a rain cloud?
My wife and I, for instance, vowed that we would not be the couple that didn’t eat at their wedding. We selected the food, the setting, and we wanted to eat! And it was delicious, too. Except for the part where I stuck cake up her nose, but let’s not discuss that. It was an accident, but it’s still a sore subject.
Grooms want to help their new spouse savor the small moments of the day.
Bottom line, the details are essential, be sure to savor the moment. The hassles will fade away, but the joy you share will last a lifetime. One friend said that, during the reception, he and his wife took a quiet moment together to step back and watch the joy of the scene.
They stood and watched everyone having fun, listened to music, and truly savored the moment. And more than two decades later, they remember that moment well. You will, too.
Gifts are nice, but your groom thinks it’s more about the experience.
Several men stated that receiving gifts meant a lot. Family and friends were always generous and genuinely wanted to offer something meaningful. At the same, it was difficult for some to pick out gifts ahead of time, speculating what you would need or what people would be able to afford.
He was focused more on the experience, the day, the music, the unique venue. Men said they simply wanted the day to be enjoyable for you and your guests. Everything else was a distant second. (Again, most women share this view, too.)
Even if there are a few bumps in the road, it’s ok with him – he has you!
And that said, please don’t let your Aunt Ethel think her hand-made quilt isn’t treasured. It is. We still have ours, and it will be an heirloom for generations. And that small amount of cash your friend could afford to give you, that meant a lot, too.
Couples are beginning their life, and any boost to buying a home and starting is always a welcome gift. Just know more than anything, your groom is focused on a fun and memorable day for all of you.
It wasn’t all perfect – and that’s OK.
Most of us had a few hiccups here and there during our wedding. A late arrival, a friend who drank a little too much, the car runs out of gas. Stuff happens. Some issues are more significant than others. Some may even leave some hurt feelings behind long after the big day, but most men will tell you: it’s OK.
Grooms want the day to be your version of perfect, but no matter what happens, as long as you are there with some friends and family, and you share the moment, then it’s all good.
One person noted that the very issues they dealt with leading up to and during the wedding. Things like juggling family involvement, the invite list, and that occasional drunken guest, actually brought them closer together as a couple.
Just remember that your groom’s goals for the day are often “big picture” things.
This was the first time they were truly learning to work together to balance the needs of multiple families and friends and make compromises when those needs conflicted with their own. These are critical skills in a long-term relationship. While the sting of the struggles will fade over time, the lessons you learn as a couple will endure. Maybe that’s the real purpose of having a wedding after all?
Here are final insights on the groom’s thoughts.
Many of these sentiments are shared by life partners who are beginning their journey together. In the end, this insight shows that despite our different viewpoints, our diverse life experiences, our goals are often the same. We want the day to be fun, memorable, and enjoyable for you as a couple.
This is Day One of your married journey, so roll over those speed bumps together. Remember that your partner is not just with you every step of the way. He’s eager to roll-up his sleeves and help make your big day unforgettable for everyone.
And it will be!
Does your guy need some advice before the big day? Take a peek at an article you can show him.
Bryce Waldrop is a preservation consultant, freelance writer, and avid hiker, and lives with his family in southern Maine. He loves old buildings, mountains, traveling, exploring the outdoors, and getting crushed by his daughters in Monopoly.