Every morning before I leave my house to embrace the world, I make a crucial visit to my good friend “Mirror.” Mirror will tell me if my mascara is clumpy or if my hair needs to be straightened. Mirror will point out if my earrings beautifully match my purse, but Mirror will also flag me down if my shirt is inside out. In fact, I have come to depend on Mirror to accurately and honestly reflect me; what Mirror says is truth I take as truth.
In a similar way, we act as mirrors to our significant others. The way we perceive them is reflected in how we treat them and formulates the way they perceive themselves. That gives us quite a responsibility! We can either build up the self-image of our loved ones or completely tear them down. In “Before You Say, ‘I Do,’” a daily devotional for engaged couples, H. Norman Wright says, “Too often we give those closest to us cracked mirrors of displeasing words or hurtful remarks. These cracked mirrors give a distorted reflection of the person. But when we reflect to those we love their uniqueness and value, they begin to see themselves as priceless.”
Here are a few simple steps to smooth a cracked mirror:
1. Acknowledge that you are not a change-agent. He can change. Those words reflect a dangerous mindset that so many women fall into. While your man can change (and there might be some areas were change is truly necessary), people typically do not like to feel change forced upon them by someone else. For example, if you often find yourself telling your fiancé what he is doing wrong and needs to do differently, then every time he looks at you, he sees that cracked mirror, filled with personal flaws. It is okay to express an area of concern or encourage personal growth, but the positive should far outweigh the negative, which brings me to my next point:
2. Find and focus on the good. If your fiancé is a strong leader, praise him for that. If he is funny, feel free to laugh often at his jokes. Bringing out the positive in your man will not only build his self-esteem and self-image, but you will also become a mirror he likes looking at! That about it – would you rather look at yourself through a cracked, distorted mirror, or through a clear, complete mirror that reflects who you truly are?
Obviously, none of us are perfect, but usually we can be so hard on ourselves that we do not need someone else pointing out our flaws, too. In addition, letting go of what you cannot change will free you to be your loved one’s friend and not his parent. An added bonus: the more you focus on the good in your fiancé, the more good you will see!
Craving more relationship advice? If you would like to find out more about Rachael or to read other “Newly Wed” columns, just click here. Thank you, Rachael! Also, it’s always good for couples to get away together … whether it is for a honeymoon or a fun weekend away, visit Travelbugs … Melissa is great to work with!! We also have our giveaway going on, so be sure to enter here.