First and foremost, from us to you, I hope that you all had a wonderful holiday season. Bliss and I enjoyed our first Christmas and New Years together and had a wonderful time with family and a few friends. Many of you reading this blog are still single (engaged) or are newly married, so what I am going to talk about today has either happened or it is going to happen.

Holidays seem to be a natural breeding ground for tension. Amidst the wonderful food, gifts and holiday cheer there can be secret seas of tension brewing that you may not even realize. Your husband’s parents would rather have had you for Christmas. Aunt Gemma doesn’t understand why you didn’t call her before Uncle Richard. Maybe your parents wanted you to visit them instead of staying at home by yourself. No matter what the issue may have been, there can be sore feelings if they are not dealt with early and if you and your husband do not prepare ahead of time. Thankfully, Bliss and I were able to avoid any major issues, and we did it with the help of three concepts:

1. First, clearly communicate well ahead of time (before October) where you will be spending the holidays and who with. We asked both our parents which holidays they would rather spend with us, and we did our best to keep everyone happy while still making time for our own traditions and time together.
2. Second, Bliss and I talked extensively about what our family’s traditions were. Whether we ate ham or hotdogs for Christmas Eve, what we put in our stockings… etc. This is a great way to introduce your significant other to your childhood as well as prepare them for some possibly different traditions than they are used to.
3. Finally, make the most of your holidays. Bliss and I worked really hard to not make mountains out of molehills. As we got to talking about the holidays and everything that went with them, we began to realize that if Lord willing, we are married for 50 years, that is only 50 Christmas seasons we have together. Only 50 Christmas seasons! That new perspective drove us to make the most of our holidays and the most of the time we had with the families. Were they perfect? Not at all, but we enjoyed being with one another and that is what made it perfect.

Talk to you soon! ~Shelby

*Photo by: Lindsay.Dee.Bunny*

Well, it’s almost Christmastime … the season where we all do last minute shopping, go on Christmas light hunting rides and enjoy time with family and friends. I hope you enjoy these Christmas “blogiday” postings as I review some oldies but goodies from the vault.

“He is #1”

“Your ring is stunning!” “Have you picked out your dress?” “How did he propose?” These are a few of the things you are probably hearing from your friends and family right now. This is an exciting time in your life, and your loved ones want to share in that. But after the wedding, the “ooh”s and “aah”s fade, and you will be faced with a new challenge: prioritizing your husband.

Up until this time in your life, your friends and family comprised your most important relationships. While they are still essential, your new #1 priority is your husband. Although your girlfriends and family love you, they may have a challenging time adjusting to this. Let’s look at some ways we can respond to this predicament:

1.      Rebel: When I first got engaged, some of my close friends did not understand what I was going through and why I couldn’t spend as much time with them as I used to. Frustrated, I pulled away from those friendships, telling myself I did not need them. I knew my friends were hurt, and my life lacked the fulfillment that can be found in meaningful friendships with the opposite sex.

2.      Resign: This issue recently arose in my life, but instead of rebelling, I resigned and gave in. I spent most of my time with my friends, heavily investing in them and leaving little for my husband. My husband is not complaining, and they are, so I’ll just choose the path of least resistance, I thought. However, I became resentful towards my husband because I did not feel close to him. When I brought it up, he expressed that he, too, felt resentful because I was not prioritizing him. Yet he had not said anything because he knew how important my friendships were and did not want to be a hindrance.

3.      Remain/Remind: The third and healthiest option is to remain strong in your decision to prioritize your husband and remind your friends and family that you still love them and are there for them, but the dynamics of your relationships have changed. Try to be patient with them, but make it clear that you need quality time with your husband. Even if he isn’t vocal about it, he wants to be close to you, and you need a deep friendship with him if you want your marriage to be strong. Author Bob Barnes affirms this: “Our spouses are more important than our friends, and our actions need to reflect that fact even if old friends don’t understand (‘What Makes a Man Feel Loved?’).”

While this challenge presents a tricky balancing act, it can be done, and your family and true friends will understand and adapt. Remember, at the end of the day, you are not married to your girlfriends, you do not share a bed with them, and you will not raise kids with them. Look for ways to show your fiancé that he is #1 today and watch your relationship flourish!

Romance in the movies is usually big and extravagant. Think about some of the most popular romantic movies, The Notebook, Pretty Woman, A Walk to Remember … etc. All are filled with extremely romantic plots that make every girls’ heart flutter. Although romantic movies are enjoyable to watch, the reality is that stories like them just don’t happen often in real life. Movies like this could lead us to believe that every moment of marriage should feel like a passionate kiss in the rain. So, what to do when real life sets in? Truly, things get busy, and who has time for romance?

Bliss and I take care to keep romance going through the small things. Between work, school, church, and laundry it’s hard to make time to plan extraordinary dates. Here are some of they ways we let our love show, in everyday moments.

Hug and Kiss. Bliss and I hug and kiss every chance we get. Not the super mushy kind that makes innocent bystanders feel awkward, but a simple hug and kiss is always a nice reminder that you are loved. Hug and kiss when you wake up, when you leave for work, when you come home from work, and anytime you feel like it in between.

The Giving Box. This is by far one of my favorite ways we show each other we love one another. Bliss and I have a pretty box that sits on a pedestal in our living room with a message board above it. We leave small surprises in the box with a clever note. It’s a simple way to say we care and that we are thinking of each other. It’s fun to be surprised as well as give surprises.

Call Just to Say “Hi”. This one really needs no explanation; it just shows you care.

Leave a Note. Bliss and I have fun with this. We have dry erase markers that we leave in the bathroom. We use them to write messages on the mirror, tub and shower. You never know where you are going to find a note; sometimes they are funny and sometimes sweet. Traditional note writing is great too!

Be Spontaneous. It never hurts to do something slightly unplanned. Routines are great, but I personally think they make me boring. Step out of the routine, and do something different together. Turn on the stereo, and dance in the living room. Go for a late night ice cream run. Do whatever you choose out of the ordinary.

I hope these ideas help keep things romantic and fresh.

Thank you again, Shelby! For those of you who are reading Shelby’s column for the first time, Shelby and Bliss got married in May of 2011 … we are taking their newlywed journey with them through Newly Wed. 

Don’t forget about our jewelry giveaway. Click HERE to enter!

As you have probably heard, communication is a vital key to a successful relationship. However the communication difference between men and women can create some very interesting circumstances. Although Bliss and I communicate fairly well; since being married we have learned to sharpen our communication skills.

Girls will be girls and the way we communicate is very different from the males in our lives. Our verbal and non-verbal cues have a tendency of being less bold and obvious. When discussing this with a friend last week we laughed together because we both have experienced a similar situation with our husbands.

In this particular situation my friend’s husband gets off work two hours before she does. On her lunch break she pulled the spaghetti and sauce out of the pantry. Then she got the ground hamburger meat out of the freezer to thaw, and left it on the counter before returning to work. When she arrived home everything was untouched, and her husband was lying on the couch watching television. To every woman reading this … the signal she was trying to send is obvious, my friend wanted her husband to start dinner. When she asked her man about it, he said he thought she was just really well prepared for dinner.

Now my friend has learned to leave a note or call her husband to let him know what it is that she wants. It is a personal habit of mine to assume my husband can read my mind, and then I begin to get frustrated when he doesn’t. Explaining the expectation will help him understand you better, after all how could he know if it hasn’t been communicated?

Men can say something without thinking. Girl gets silent, crosses her arms, and acts like she doesn’t want to even be in the same room with boy. Boy says “what’s the matter?” Girl replys “nothing.” Boy assumes nothing is wrong and goes on with life. Girl stays mad for hours, days, weeks, etc …

When men are told nothing is wrong, they believe that nothing is wrong. But every girl knows thats not actually true … it really means “I’m really upset but I don’t know how to say it.” And oh boy … Bliss and I have learned this lesson the hard way! As I write  this I don’t even remember what I was mad about, but I do remember being mad that he didn’t know why I was mad. Looking back now I see that it was silly of me to expect him to know. I have found that it’s better for my sanity and our marriage to be honest with him if something upsets me. And because he is the awesome guy that he is, he doesn’t mind listening.

Thank you again, Shelby, for writing our Newly Wed column! For those of you who don’t know Shelby, she became a wife in May … I love hearing her take on the early days of marriage. 

Photo credit goes to the following from top to bottom from Flickr: gotosira and pedrosimoes7.

The wedding day takes so much planning, and sometimes couples don’t have the time to fit an engagement session into their plans … if that describes you, then why not think about planning a fun anniversary shoot? Even though Michael and Candace had engagement photos taken before their wedding, they still took the opportunity to take some time out for fun with Sabrena Deal of S Carter Studios.

Here are Sabrena’s words about the session …

I took Candace and Michael’s engagement photos, wedding photos and they have been in a couple other weddings that I shot. I was so excited when Michael called just before their one year anniversary because he wanted to surprise his bride with another session to celebrate. Her very favorite book is Anne of Green Gables, so we both worked together to create a very “Anne and Gilbert” like session. She had also just found out that she has a gluten intolerance, so I treated them to gluten free cupcakes with hand made flags to add a sweet touch to their beautiful images. Candace was thrilled when my husband and I snuck up on them during their picnic (see the first image).

Thank you again, Sabrena, for this cute session … I love the Anne of Green Gables idea. How unique, and it turned out so fun! Congratulations on your anniversary, Michael and Candace, and I wish you many more happy years together.