As you have probably heard, communication is a vital key to a successful relationship. However the communication difference between men and women can create some very interesting circumstances. Although Bliss and I communicate fairly well; since being married we have learned to sharpen our communication skills.
Girls will be girls and the way we communicate is very different from the males in our lives. Our verbal and non-verbal cues have a tendency of being less bold and obvious. When discussing this with a friend last week we laughed together because we both have experienced a similar situation with our husbands.
In this particular situation my friend’s husband gets off work two hours before she does. On her lunch break she pulled the spaghetti and sauce out of the pantry. Then she got the ground hamburger meat out of the freezer to thaw, and left it on the counter before returning to work. When she arrived home everything was untouched, and her husband was lying on the couch watching television. To every woman reading this … the signal she was trying to send is obvious, my friend wanted her husband to start dinner. When she asked her man about it, he said he thought she was just really well prepared for dinner.
Now my friend has learned to leave a note or call her husband to let him know what it is that she wants. It is a personal habit of mine to assume my husband can read my mind, and then I begin to get frustrated when he doesn’t. Explaining the expectation will help him understand you better, after all how could he know if it hasn’t been communicated?
Men can say something without thinking. Girl gets silent, crosses her arms, and acts like she doesn’t want to even be in the same room with boy. Boy says “what’s the matter?” Girl replys “nothing.” Boy assumes nothing is wrong and goes on with life. Girl stays mad for hours, days, weeks, etc …
When men are told nothing is wrong, they believe that nothing is wrong. But every girl knows thats not actually true … it really means “I’m really upset but I don’t know how to say it.” And oh boy … Bliss and I have learned this lesson the hard way! As I write this I don’t even remember what I was mad about, but I do remember being mad that he didn’t know why I was mad. Looking back now I see that it was silly of me to expect him to know. I have found that it’s better for my sanity and our marriage to be honest with him if something upsets me. And because he is the awesome guy that he is, he doesn’t mind listening.
Thank you again, Shelby, for writing our Newly Wed column! For those of you who don’t know Shelby, she became a wife in May … I love hearing her take on the early days of marriage.
Photo credit goes to the following from top to bottom from Flickr: gotosira and pedrosimoes7.